after point A.
I imagine myself going on like fumes and exhaust, going on through EDSA traffic at at seven in the evening. straight on through, without stopping, and at the moment beyond all of this. I am going to point B. and i think for now that is all that matters, perhaps it is all that will matter. and without any sign at all, I have moved. going there.
Mar 2, 2005
Nov 13, 2004
hi.
is this always it.
and breaking old ground has a painful sound.
goes right through your emotional eardrum
a ripping, and ragged edges are there like your old denims.
frayed and soft, but lacking the blood from shredded appendages.
you feel sick for some time. Then wonderful sleep comes.
some sort of a glorious feeling at the end.
ground has been broken, I’ll start sifting through them
I might still find some old things to be useful or
just to be salvaged because of the sheer sentimentality
leaking from them
and breaking old ground has a painful sound.
goes right through your emotional eardrum
a ripping, and ragged edges are there like your old denims.
frayed and soft, but lacking the blood from shredded appendages.
you feel sick for some time. Then wonderful sleep comes.
some sort of a glorious feeling at the end.
ground has been broken, I’ll start sifting through them
I might still find some old things to be useful or
just to be salvaged because of the sheer sentimentality
leaking from them
Nov 4, 2004
somewhen1.6
I am the haze again, immaterial and wet barely.
even there.
a ghost would have been better.
Ohh.
I have been down before, even when upside was the
ground floor.
yes, down. Now I am way through basement three.
way way down below.
Like never there at all.
a haze and nothing more. And your hands can go through me like they were
superheated piano strings through butter.
I am scattered again. Dislocation was better. Way better.
and I can see the sun from twelve floors up
I suddenly want the night. And rain rain. Rain.
the sun will burn me up. And I will go nowhere
even there.
a ghost would have been better.
Ohh.
I have been down before, even when upside was the
ground floor.
yes, down. Now I am way through basement three.
way way down below.
Like never there at all.
a haze and nothing more. And your hands can go through me like they were
superheated piano strings through butter.
I am scattered again. Dislocation was better. Way better.
and I can see the sun from twelve floors up
I suddenly want the night. And rain rain. Rain.
the sun will burn me up. And I will go nowhere
somewhen1.5
mamaya makikita ko na ang araw. na naman.
ikaw na munang laman ng isip ko ngayong mga ilang minuto,
nakakatanga ang ginagawa ko.
magagamit ko imagination ko sa yo, para makapahinga naman.
oo, bangag na rin ako. pero may salamin naman.
musta na mga mata, may bago ka na?
i mean salamin. tawagan kaya kita pag sweldo.
marinig lang tawa mo.
o hello, kung pacute o babaeng babae ba.
o weird pa rin, but that right kind of weird.
parang ilong na hindi matangos pero hindi naman pango.
parang, parang lahat na bagay na gusto ko munang pag-isipan ngayong oras. na isa ka na dun, na isa na ang boses mo.
isa pa rin kung kalamig dito sa The Fort kung tatakbo ka
sa gitna ng kalsada na walang damit ngayong oras.
at isa pa kung anong maramramdaman ko kung matutulog ako
dun sa luma kong kama sa Naga.
o kung may yumayakap sa kin ngayong oras
at nilalamig ako sa aircon.
dami. dami pala. pero maganda yung hello mo.
at sana di ka malungkot. ngayong araw.
ikaw na munang laman ng isip ko ngayong mga ilang minuto,
nakakatanga ang ginagawa ko.
magagamit ko imagination ko sa yo, para makapahinga naman.
oo, bangag na rin ako. pero may salamin naman.
musta na mga mata, may bago ka na?
i mean salamin. tawagan kaya kita pag sweldo.
marinig lang tawa mo.
o hello, kung pacute o babaeng babae ba.
o weird pa rin, but that right kind of weird.
parang ilong na hindi matangos pero hindi naman pango.
parang, parang lahat na bagay na gusto ko munang pag-isipan ngayong oras. na isa ka na dun, na isa na ang boses mo.
isa pa rin kung kalamig dito sa The Fort kung tatakbo ka
sa gitna ng kalsada na walang damit ngayong oras.
at isa pa kung anong maramramdaman ko kung matutulog ako
dun sa luma kong kama sa Naga.
o kung may yumayakap sa kin ngayong oras
at nilalamig ako sa aircon.
dami. dami pala. pero maganda yung hello mo.
at sana di ka malungkot. ngayong araw.
Oct 27, 2004
somewhen1.4
a burp for all the things my mind ate. nothing discreet. something
close to a laserburn. or like any hurt that stays and remains like a dull
ache every time that that memory gets jarred.
then i'll do a solo on my guitar, just to say hello to myself. like a
mirror but more sublime. like the aftereffects of tea.
and i lost a lot of things when the CD broke. a mental note not to
trust physical things with foreverness. or is that statement beyond me like
the few hundred meters from shore unaided.
then i will not let myself forget.
close to a laserburn. or like any hurt that stays and remains like a dull
ache every time that that memory gets jarred.
then i'll do a solo on my guitar, just to say hello to myself. like a
mirror but more sublime. like the aftereffects of tea.
and i lost a lot of things when the CD broke. a mental note not to
trust physical things with foreverness. or is that statement beyond me like
the few hundred meters from shore unaided.
then i will not let myself forget.
Sep 9, 2004
kandila.
exciting pala dito. daming happenings. may pinatay sa may kanto namin nung linggo. akala ko sa aso lang yung dugo.
maraming namamatay sa maling akala.
kapag gabi ako umuwi, may kandila pa ring umiilaw sa aking daanan dun sa kanto namin. exciting. goosebumps though.
kakahiya naman sa holdaper kung ako matiempohan niya. pamasahe lang laman ng bulsa ko tapos laos na celphone. baka tuluyan na nga ako.
pero nagbibigay inspirasyon pa rin sa kin yung kandilang yun.
maraming namamatay sa maling akala.
kapag gabi ako umuwi, may kandila pa ring umiilaw sa aking daanan dun sa kanto namin. exciting. goosebumps though.
kakahiya naman sa holdaper kung ako matiempohan niya. pamasahe lang laman ng bulsa ko tapos laos na celphone. baka tuluyan na nga ako.
pero nagbibigay inspirasyon pa rin sa kin yung kandilang yun.
Sep 5, 2004
i miss you, i guess i should.
and this is manila. perhaps kailangan ko ng managalog. dahil napapaligiran ako ng nanagalog. tapos ng ulan. tapos ng mga di ko kilala. tapos ng usok. tapos ng mga bilihin na wala akong pambili.
and im still a bum. for more than a month now. and in a few weeks piyesta na sa Naga. and i think ill be here. kasama mga taong palaging nagmamadali, kasama ang usok at mga bilihin sa likuran ng salamin.
and sanay na ako sa dalandan na kulay ng langit pag gabi. among a few things. pero di pa ako handa makarinig ng christmas song, baka maplip ako ng kunti pag nakarinig ako.
ganto pala ang maynila pag matanda ka na. ang dali pa ring mawala.
pati pamasahe madali ring mawala.
ala pa rin akong bagong kakilala dito. except dun sa gustong maging sirena o sirena ba? si maui na marina. digital barkada. wag na mag po. matanda ka na rin.
sana makahanap na ako ng trabaho. dahil ang hirap maging bato dito sa maynila.
and im still a bum. for more than a month now. and in a few weeks piyesta na sa Naga. and i think ill be here. kasama mga taong palaging nagmamadali, kasama ang usok at mga bilihin sa likuran ng salamin.
and sanay na ako sa dalandan na kulay ng langit pag gabi. among a few things. pero di pa ako handa makarinig ng christmas song, baka maplip ako ng kunti pag nakarinig ako.
ganto pala ang maynila pag matanda ka na. ang dali pa ring mawala.
pati pamasahe madali ring mawala.
ala pa rin akong bagong kakilala dito. except dun sa gustong maging sirena o sirena ba? si maui na marina. digital barkada. wag na mag po. matanda ka na rin.
sana makahanap na ako ng trabaho. dahil ang hirap maging bato dito sa maynila.
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